I awoke in the middle of the night with a cry in my throat and tried my best to wash away the cobwebs living between my nightmare and the safety of reality. It was a bad dream, as simple and silly as it sounds in the light of day coming from an adult but there it is.
Master pulled me into him and asked me what was wrong and his words and actions took away the fear and I realized that that is what the best parts in my life are about.
I know that I can maneuver through the world as a strong, independent woman who could answer to nobody. I’m a smart girl, capable and willing to work hard and even “lead the troops” when needed. I can handle shit and my Sir expects that of me.
But at four AM when my subconscious is playing tricks on me and vividly playing out terrible fantasy worlds of life and loss, well, I don’t wanna be big or strong or independent.
So as I gasped us both awake (albeit briefly) and I felt sad and small: he tucked me into him. Every piece of his skin laid against mine, his strong legs eclipsing mine, weighting me down, protecting me. His comforting murmurs were the lullaby I needed to risk closing my eyes and sleeping again.
I knew in that brief awakening my most valued part of being owned. I am protected, living under this strong man’s wing, day and night. When I don’t need it (though sincerely want it) but also when I do need it. I felt his breath slowing back down upon the back of my neck, his weight a comfort, and realized that this is pretty much everything.