I see so much searching for advice and pain on the path from so many of those on the right side of the slash. Let me implore of you all: be an awesome passenger on this ride!
Whether you’re into power exchange or SM or simply negotiating kinky sexy time, if you’re in the position of wanting to *be led*, please know this doesn’t mean turning into a lump of motionless body and saying, “take me however you will” and all of a sudden your partner is a mind-reading mayor of pleasure-ville. You need to (both in the beginning and while on your road together) give feedback, advice, guidance. Let’s pretend we’re on a road trip.
You’ve determined to go together from point A to point B. Exciting! You’ve together even determined one of you to be the driver getting you there. The other a willing passenger. The controls may be out of your hand. You cannot brake or accelerate or do much other than leap out in the case of an emergency. But you can *vastly impact this trip.*
If you were in a relationship and said “Let’s drive to Seattle,” and proceeded to climb in the front passenger seat and stew for 30 hours because the driver didn’t know you needed to pee, or because the music was too loud or the AC was too cold, well, you’re a shitty passenger. We all have a voice! Use it! This is supposed to be a fun experience, one of togetherness and adventure and exploring. Just because you aren’t behind the wheel doesn’t mean you have no opinion or say so. It doesn’t make your driver omniscient.
Be an awesome passenger along for an incredible ride! *You* can help make that possible!
Make suggestions along the way. Find cool things to stop and do, bring ideas to the one leading the way. Sure they may be the one to turn the wheel and decide to pit stop but hey, they are focused on safety and outside factors and the outcome of the trip. Help em out! Just because you thought of the idea doesn’t mean it can’t be a blast to try.
If you need to stop or stretch your legs *say so* clearly and kindly. Maybe they need to rest too. Maybe not. But either way, you expressing your needs helps them plow the course with happy and well maintained passengers.
Keep an eye on the road ahead and give advice on navigation. You’re a team! Your driver is focused on these really big picture results so maybe they can’t predict that around the corner is a potential pitfall. If you stay actively engaged in the travel and continue to give useful advice, research, and tips, well, you’re not some burden along for the ride! You’re an asset! A person worth traveling with. A help, a partner, a person *exchanging strengths* with another person on the same drive.
Dude, have you ever been on a road trip with somebody pouting? Somebody who likes to sleep the whole time? Read the whole time? Stare at their phone the while time? Don’t be that passenger! Be awake! Be alive! Be joyous! Your driver is taking on a burden for you, the burden of responsibility and obligation. Bring your driver joy and fun and music and laughter. Bring ideas and conversation and *liveliness*. Don’t expect them to be the sole source of inspiration on this trip you’re on. That’s unfair.
Strapping yourself into the passenger seat can be such a rewarding experience. Please s-types, don’t forget your participation in the drive. Go be an awesome passenger for your very own trip.