It’s unfortunately not breath play; no controlled grasp of the neck here.
It’s not the sweet gulp of air when you breathe in another’s presence, taking in all that makes them them. Overwhelming your senses with theirs.
See, that is all the addition of somebody in your life: the addition of warmth and love and person that makes you swallow fullness deep inside your world.
Somehow, their withdrawal makes the same sudden breathlessness but this time, it’s terrible.
You hold your breath but they’re no longer walking into a room; no bleeps of their care.
You’re alone when you weren’t before. You hold your breath. For no reason.
It’s the original roller coaster in life, leaving you excited and antsy to get on and once it’s over, you vow to never get on that thrill ride again.
But you always do. Eventually.
One day maybe I will get in line to be that good kind of breathless again. Until then, I can only stand on this side of heartbreak and step off the ride, regain my composure, and remember to breathe.